Preschool Is Not Daycare, We Are Growing Brains and Shaping the Future

Dr. Deb Zupito

A Misunderstanding That Needs to Shift

There is a quiet but powerful misunderstanding that continues to follow early childhood education. It shows up in the language people use. It shows up in assumptions. It shows up in the way preschool is sometimes reduced to “daycare” or “just watching kids.”

But what is happening inside a high-quality preschool classroom, especially here in New Jersey, is far more complex, intentional, and essential. We are not simply caring for children. We are building the foundation of who they will become. And that is not light work.

The Science Behind the Work

Let’s ground this in what we know. The early years are the most critical period of brain development a human will ever experience. By age five, a child’s brain is already about ninety percent developed. During this time, more than one million neural connections are formed every second.

Every interaction matters. Not the fancy ones, not the perfect ones, the everyday ones.

Research from leaders such as Dan Siegel and Jack Shonkoff shows that the brain develops from the bottom up. The emotional brain is online long before the thinking brain. The prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for impulse control, reasoning, and decision making, has been under construction for many years.

So when a child melts down over the “wrong” cup, hits when frustrated, or grabs instead of asking, it is not a lack of discipline. It is a lack of development. Children feel first, then, with support, slowly learn to think. This is where co-regulation comes in.

When a calm adult steps in, holds a boundary, and stays connected, that child’s nervous system begins to settle. Over time, these repeated experiences literally wire the brain for self-regulation. This is not a theory. This is neuroscience.

Language develops the same way. Back-and-forth conversations, even the simplest exchanges, strengthen neural pathways that support communication, comprehension, and literacy. Social experiences build executive functioning skills like impulse control, working memory, and flexible thinking. This is what is happening in preschool classrooms every single day. Not just play, not just care, brain architecture in real time.

Why Early Childhood Education Matters in New Jersey

New Jersey has made significant strides in expanding access to early childhood education, and that matters. We know from longitudinal research, including studies from the National Institute for Early Education Research, that children who attend high-quality preschool programs show stronger outcomes in language, social-emotional development, and long-term academic success.

But access alone is not enough. Quality matters. Programs aligned with standards such as Grow NJ Kids and NAEYC are built on what we know about development, relationships, and learning. These environments are not accidental; they are designed.

And high-quality private preschool programs, like Little Learning Academy, are part of that ecosystem. When children are in environments that prioritize connection, emotional safety, and developmentally appropriate practice, we see measurable gains in confidence, regulation, and resilience.

This is not just about kindergarten readiness. This is about life readiness.

The Moments That Get Misunderstood

Here is where things often get tricky…A child bites, pushes, hits, grabs a toy, or says something unkind. These moments feel big; they should. We are talking about children. But developmentally, they are also expected. The brain systems responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation are still developing. The emotional brain is fast and reactive; the thinking brain is slower and still learning how to come online.

So when a child reacts, it is not calculated. It is protective. And this is where the teacher steps in. Not to punish, not to shame, but to teach.

Calmly holding a boundary: “I won’t let you hit.” Naming the experience: “That was really frustrating.”Supporting regulation: “I’m right here.” Over time, these moments become a lesson. This is skilled work. This is intentional work. This is brain-based work.

When Fear Replaces Understanding

Parents love their children deeply; that is never in question. But love, when mixed with fear, can sometimes turn into blame. Blame of other children, blame of teachers, blame of the environment.

The problem is, fear narrows our view, and children feel it.

Research in stress and development shows that children are highly attuned to adult emotional states. When adults are anxious, reactive, or dysregulated, children’s nervous systems respond similarly. Calm matters. Predictability matters. Connection matters.

When we label children or over-dramatize behavior, we increase stress in a system that actually depends on safety.

The truth is simple. Early childhood is messy, emotional, and full of real-time learning. When we shift from “Who is at fault?" to “What is this child learning right now?” everything changes.

What Preschool Directors Carry

Behind every classroom is leadership that most people never fully see. Preschool directors are balancing children, families, and educators while navigating licensing, regulations, staffing, and the emotional weight of an entire community.

On any given day, they are problem-solving in real time, supporting a teacher through a hard moment, responding to concerned parents, navigating the ever-changing staffing and support needs, and making decisions that impact the entire school, often before lunch.

It can feel like being an octopus, reaching in every direction, holding everything together, still wishing for one more tentacle. This work requires deep knowledge of development, systems thinking, and emotional intelligence. And it is hard.

What Teachers Carry

Inside every classroom is a teacher carrying far more than a lesson plan. They are holding the emotional and developmental needs of every child at once. They are supporting the child who cannot separate, while guiding the child who bursts in with a lot of energy. They are noticing who needs connection, who needs space, who needs help finding words, and who needs help slowing down, all at once.

They meet each child where they are, even when no two children are in the same place. And they are partnering with families, families with different expectations, experiences, and dynamics, including blended and extended family systems.

They hold space for all of it. They teach language, model regulation, build relationships, and create safety. And they carry the responsibility of knowing that what they do today shapes who that child becomes tomorrow.

That is not small work!!!

A Call to Lead with Kindness and Perspective

If we want the best outcomes for children, we have to stop placing the entire system's weight on teachers' and schools' shoulders.

We have to stop blaming the very people doing the work. Early childhood educators are not the problem. They are the response to a system that has not fully caught up. Lower wages. Limited benefits. High demands. Emotional labor that cannot be measured on a spreadsheet.

And still, they show up. What this field needs is respect, investment, and understanding. Because when we support the adults, we support the children.

Looking Beyond and Moving Forward

Here is the shift…Pause before reacting. Get curious before assigning blame. Trust the science. Trust the professionals. Because behind every behavior is a developing brain. Behind every classroom is a teacher doing meaningful work. Behind every school is a team carrying more than most people ever see.

Preschool is NOT Daycare!!!

It is where regulation is learned, where relationships are built, and where the foundation of a human life begins. It was never meant to be perfect. It was meant to be supported. And when we finally see the full picture, the science, the intention, and the heart, we stop asking, “What is wrong here?” and we start asking, “How do we support what matters most?”