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Finding Balance: Why Boundaries and “Parent Time” Matter (Especially with Preschoolers)


Dr. Deb Zupito

When my child hit the preschool years, I remember feeling like I was never off duty. I'd wake up to tiny footsteps padding into my room before dawn, and the demands didn't stop until bedtime, often long after I was already running on empty. I loved being there for my child, of course, but I realized something was missing somewhere along the way: me.


And maybe, if you're reading this, you’ve felt that too.




Boundaries Aren’t Walls: They’re Bridges

I used to feel guilty setting boundaries. Saying “I need a few minutes” or “this is mommy’s quiet time” made me feel like I was failing somehow. But I’ve learned (and keep learning) that boundaries aren’t about pushing our kids away—they’re about teaching them essential life skills. At Treehouse Minds, we talk about helping children develop emotional awareness and resilience. Part of that process starts with us modeling self-awareness.

When we say, “I need a moment,” we show our children that we have needs, too—and that’s okay. We’re teaching them to recognize and respect personal space, and to begin developing patience and independence.


Alone Time Isn’t Selfish…It’s Refueling

Even 10 minutes of quiet with a cup of tea, a journal, or a walk around the block can make a huge difference. I started scheduling little pockets of time into my day, even if that meant putting on a show for my kid or having them play nearby while I read. I stopped feeling guilty when I realized I was a calmer, more engaged parent afterward.

Suppose you’re not sure where to start. In that case, Treehouse Minds offers some great resources for parents, especially around mindfulness, emotional coaching, and helping your child navigate big feelings, which preschoolers have a lot of.


Your Relationship Matters, Too

If you're parenting with a partner, making space for each other is just as important. My partner and I had to learn to protect our time together, even if that meant sitting on the couch after bedtime, phones down, talking about something other than preschool snacks or potty training. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. A strong parenting team benefits your child in ways you can’t always see in the moment.


Giving Kids Room to Grow

Preschoolers don’t need us to entertain them every second of the day. In fact, some of their best learning comes when we step back. Independent play, problem-solving, and even learning how to deal with minor boredom—these are all valuable developmental experiences. By setting some gentle boundaries, we’re helping our kids learn how to manage themselves.

And that’s part of our job, too.


Resources:

Here are a few resources for parents, in addition to Treehouse Minds:

  • “The Whole-Brain Child” by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson is a wonderful book on understanding and responding to your child’s brain development.

  • Janet Lansbury’s blog and podcast – Gentle, respectful parenting advice that emphasizes boundaries and self-regulation.

  • Insight Timer (App) – Great for finding short, guided meditations to help center yourself when you’ve got five minutes to breathe.


Final Thoughts

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I want you to know: you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just in a stage that’s really hard. But you don’t have to lose yourself to be a good parent. Setting boundaries, taking time for yourself, and investing in your adult relationships are not signs of weakness; they’re signs of wisdom.


Our children don’t just learn from what we say; they learn from what we model. And when they see us showing up for ourselves, they’re learning how to do the same.

 
 
 

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