Be Their Biggest Fan: Helping Preschoolers Feel Safe as a New School Year Begins

By: Dr. Deb Zupito

There is something about the end of summer that signals change. Backpacks appear in stores, older siblings head back to school, classrooms begin new themes and routines, and suddenly everyone seems to be talking about what comes next.

For many preschoolers, their actual days may not change very much. They may have attended preschool throughout the summer. They may still wake up at the same time, walk through the same doors, and see many of the same familiar faces.

But that does not mean they do not feel the transition.

Young children notice change, sometimes long before they have the words to tell us what they are feeling. A new classroom, a different teacher, friends moving to another room, changing expectations, or simply the energy surrounding the beginning of a new school year can feel big to a little person.

This is where we, as parents, have an opportunity to give our children something incredibly powerful: the security of knowing that home is their safe place to land and that we are always their biggest fan.

Think about the moment you see your child at the end of the day. Before asking, “How was school?” “Did you listen?” or “What did you do today?” let your face tell them something first: “I am so happy to see you”.

Imagine what it feels like for a child to walk toward you and see that there is nowhere else you would rather be in that moment. Those feeling matters.

Our children need to know that our connection with them is not dependent on how their day went. Maybe they had a wonderful day. Maybe they struggled with listening. Maybe they grabbed a toy, cried at rest time, had an accident, or needed a teacher’s help managing a big feeling. They still need to see their biggest fan waiting for them.

Their behavior is something we can help them work through. Their relationship with us should always feel bigger than the behavior.

After a full day of being part of a group, following directions, sharing materials, navigating friendships, and managing countless little transitions, preschoolers may also need something very different when they get home.

They need connection before demands.

Dinner still needs to happen. Baths still need to happen. Bedtime will eventually arrive. But before moving immediately into the evening checklist, give them a moment to land. A hug. A snack together. Ten minutes on the couch. A little time outside. Sitting nearby while they play.

And sometimes, no questions at all.

We are often eager to hear about their day, but preschoolers are not always ready to give us a play by play at pickup. Give them some space. That funny story about what happened at lunch may suddenly appear while they are playing with blocks two hours later.

Connection opens the door for conversation. And then there are those evenings when you hear, “They had a great day!” at pickup, only to have the same child completely fall apart fifteen minutes later because their banana broke in half.

Both things can be true.

Your child may have had a wonderful day and still be emotionally tired. Home is often where children feel safest, which means it may also be where they finally release everything they have been holding together.

That does not mean we remove boundaries. Children still need us to be steady.

“I know you’re upset. I’m right here.”

“You really wanted that to go differently.”

“I won’t let you hit. You can be angry, and I’ll help you stay safe.”

We can hold a boundary while still lending our calm. The goal is not to make every difficult feeling disappear. The goal is to show our children that their feelings do not scare us away and their hard moments do not change how we feel about them.

As the new school year begins, keep evenings simple when you can. Give warnings before transitions. Offer small choices. Protect time for play and connection. Remember that tired children often have fewer resources for handling disappointment, and sometimes the most effective parenting strategy is recognizing, “This little person has simply had enough for today.”

Most importantly, let home be home.

Our preschoolers are doing important work every day. They are learning how to be part of a community, wait, share, communicate, solve problems, manage disappointment, build friendships, and become increasingly independent.

That is a lot of growing.

At home, they need a place where they do not have to prove anything. A place where someone lights up when they walk through the door. A place where a difficult day does not make them a difficult child. A place where boundaries can be firm and love remains steady.

So when you see your child at the end of the day, before worrying about the lunchbox, the missing sweatshirt, or what happened at school, let them see it on your face: “I missed you. I am so happy to see you”.

Be their safe place to land.

And on the wonderful days, the messy days, and all the perfectly ordinary days in between, make sure they know one thing for certain: You are still their biggest fan!