You Don’t Have to Do This Alone: Parents, Teachers, and the Power of Prosocial Development

By Dr. Deb Zupito

When I completed my doctoral dissertation on Prioritizing Prosocial Behavior for Preschool Children (Zupito, 2022), I kept returning to one simple truth: parents don’t have to feel alone in raising kind, empathetic, independent, and resilient children. The research, along with the voices of the parents I interviewed, made it clear. There is a need for support, there is a better way, and investing in your child’s prosocial development is worth every ounce of effort. Yet, many parents hesitate to seek help, often feeling uncertain or even embarrassed to ask for support!

Parents Play a Critical Role; But They’re Not Alone

The parents in my study overwhelmingly recognized their role in shaping prosocial behavior. They spoke about the importance of communication, boundaries, consequences, and modeling as everyday tools. One parent put it simply: “When a skill is being practiced in a classroom, well it doesn't make sense that it doesn’t get done at home. We’re really learning a lot from what the teachers are doing… being patient, rewarding the positive, it’s changing how we parent too.” (Participant 3)

Parents described themselves as being “in charge” of things like choosing social exposure and activities, but they also consistently emphasized that this work is a shared responsibility. Early childhood educators were described as “a close number two” to parents, with influence that is both powerful and necessary. “There are situations that he’s never exposed to when he’s home… interactions with children his own age that he doesn’t find in our everyday lives.” (Participant 1)

The Shared Responsibility of Parents and Teachers

Parents in the study placed significant value on the preschool environment and the role of teachers. They recognized that trained educators are uniquely positioned to observe social interactions, step in with guidance, and provide children with new tools in real time. One parent explained it this way: “Teachers play an important role… not that they control those relationships, but in guiding the children in this new experience and helping them out in a positive way.” (Participant 11)

Parents also admitted that they often held higher expectations for their child’s behavior at school than at home. At home, children were given more grace, more room for meltdowns, and a safe place to “fall apart.” In contrast, school was seen as a place where social skills, respect, and self-regulation were expected. This wasn’t neglectful or inconsistent, it reflected the reality that home and school are different contexts with different expectations. This also is an area for reflection regarding realistic expectations.

What Parents Expect from Preschool

When asked about priorities, parents consistently identified the same core skills as essential: kindness, empathy, self-regulation, respectful interactions, relationship-building, and problem-solving. They viewed preschool as the ideal environment to practice and strengthen these skills. A structured, caring, developmentally appropriate classroom was described as “non-negotiable.” As one mother put it: “At a baseline, safety, communication, and caring adults. If they’re not there, I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my child.” (Participant 2) This perspective echoes the research: high-quality early childhood education; safe, clean, intentional, play-based, and led by caring adults, is one of the most powerful drivers of prosocial development.

Social Skills Matter More Than ABCs; At Least at First

Perhaps one of the most striking findings was that parents valued social development over academics at the preschool stage. “Academics will come,” several parents explained, but prosocial skills are what open the door to learning in the first place. One participant summarized: “If there’s not a basic knowledge of how to work with others, how to listen, how to take turns, they will disregard whatever it is that you present to them academically.” (Participant 1) In other words, without prosocial skills, children struggle to access academics, friendships, and eventually, life’s bigger challenges.

Parents Want Support; Lots of It

Here’s where the study hit me hardest: parents want more support than they’re getting.

“I’m not an educator, I’m a mother. I’m not an expert.” (Participant 7)  

“They’re unpredictable…sometimes that’s what’s very hard to understand as his parents.” (Participant 3)

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m always open to learning more.” (Participant 11)

One parent even said:  “I would pay a million” for ongoing guidance in this area. That level of honesty reflects what so many parents quietly feel: they know prosocial skills are critical, but they don’t feel equipped to teach them alone.

Why This Matters

The voices of these parents, paired with the research, confirm what many of us in education and child development already know:

• Prosocial behavior is not optional; it is the foundation for academic readiness, emotional well-being, and lifelong success.

• Parents and educators are both essential; one without the other is not enough.

• Parents are asking for help; and when families are given tools and support, they thrive.

This is why I’ve dedicated my work, not just as a researcher, but as an advocate, parent coach, and educator…to bridge this gap. Parents deserve real-world strategies, rooted in science, that make sense in the messy, everyday reality of raising children. Because when parents are supported, children flourish; and when children flourish, communities are transformed.

Final Thought

Parenting is never meant to be a solo project. If you’ve ever felt uncertain, overwhelmed, or underprepared to teach your child how to be kind, empathetic, and socially confident, you’re not alone. There is support. There is a better way. And the investment in your child’s prosocial development is one of the most important ones you’ll ever make.

A Personal Invitation

This is the heart of my work at Treehouse Minds. I coach parents and partner with educators to bring research into real life. If you’re ready for tools, strategies, and encouragement as you raise your child, I’d love to support you. Because when you know better, you do better; and none of us are meant to do this alone.