Preschooler Expectations Are Rising, But Their Brains Are Still Developing: What Developmental Science Says Young Children Need Before Academics

Dr. Deb Zupito

The Pressure to Do More, Sooner

You cannot build literacy on a nervous system that is still in a state of survival. Yet right now, many preschoolers are being asked to do more, sooner. Write their names earlier. Sit longer. Perform academically before their bodies and brains are ready. This pressure often comes wrapped in fear. If we do not push now, children will somehow fall behind. However, developmental science, as well as what we observe daily in high-quality early childhood classrooms, tells a very different story.

What Readiness Really Is

Readiness is not an academic milestone. It is a neurological, relational, and social state.

My doctoral research on the development of prosocial behavior in preschool-aged children confirms what decades of developmental science have shown. Learning depends on access to the higher regions of the brain, the areas responsible for attention, language, memory, and flexible thinking. When children feel unsafe, overwhelmed, or chronically stressed, their brains shift into a state of heightened alertness and protection.

Survival takes priority over learning. This aligns with the work of Dr. Bruce Perry, who explains that regulation and felt safety must come before cognition. A dysregulated brain simply cannot do the work we are asking of it. Dr. Dan Siegel similarly emphasizes that emotional regulation and integration are foundational to learning. When regulation is missing, expectations collapse.

Regulation Comes Before Expectation

Before academics can take root, regulation, relationships, and play must work together.

Self-regulation is not taught through reminders or consequences. It develops through co-regulation. Children need calm, responsive adults, predictable routines, movement, and sensory-rich experiences before they can manage their impulses or sustain attention. When a child cannot sit, listen, or comply, it is not defiance. It is information about their nervous system.

Learning Is Relational

Children learn best in the context of secure relationships. Emotional safety allows them to take risks, tolerate frustration, and try again. In classrooms built on trust and connection, children are more willing to engage, explore, and persist, even when tasks seem challenging. Relationships are not separate from learning. They are the pathway to it.

Social Skills Are Essential, Not Extra

Social skills are not a soft add-on; they are essential. They are the infrastructure that makes learning possible. Skills such as cooperation, empathy, problem-solving, perspective-taking, boundary-setting, and repair enable children to function effectively in groups and participate meaningfully in classroom life. Research indicates that children who attend preschool demonstrate stronger prosocial skills, showing greater engagement, flexibility, and persistence in learning over time. Without these foundational skills, academic instruction struggles to land.

Why the Early Childhood Environment Matters So Much

The early childhood environment is uniquely designed to support this growth in ways that no worksheet or app can. Preschool offers intentional, real-time social interaction within a supportive structure. Children are not just learning about social skills; they are living them. They practice, struggle with, and repair them every single day. These moments cannot be replicated in isolated or performance-driven settings.

Through play, children learn how to join a group, negotiate roles, tolerate disappointment, wait patiently, compromise, and advocate for themselves. They experience what it’s like to lead and what it’s like to follow. These are not side activities. They are the work of childhood.

Play Builds Autonomy and Real Learning

Play-based, relationship-centered classrooms support the development of autonomy. Children are given opportunities to make choices, solve problems, express their preferences, and experience natural consequences within safe and responsive boundaries. My research identified autonomy and agency as crucial contributors to sustained learning engagement. When children feel capable and trusted, motivation grows. Confidence follows. Learning sticks.

What the Field Confirms

The National Association for the Education of Young Children clearly affirms this. Play supports social-emotional development, self-regulation, language, and relationship building. These capacities are not separate from academic success. They are what make it possible.

When Expectations Outpace Development

When expectations outpace development, children do not gain an advantage. Instead, we often see increased anxiety, avoidance, and behavioral challenges. When development is honored in the correct order, academic skills emerge with greater confidence, flexibility, and a sense of joy.

What Preschoolers Actually Need

Readiness is not about what a child can perform on demand. It is about whether their brain and body feel safe, connected, and regulated enough to learn. If preschool feels messy, loud, or emotionally intense right now, it does not mean something is wrong. It often means brains are under construction.

Preschool is Not Preparation for Real Life! It is real life, scaled to children. When we protect regulation, relationships, play, and autonomy in early childhood environments, we are not delaying learning. We are strengthening the roots that all learning grows from. And yes, when the roots are strong, all is possible!