Before You Panic, A Glimpse Into What Growth Often Looks Like

Dr Deb Zupito

When Learning Does Not Look the Way We Expect

If learning were neat and predictable, parenting would feel a lot easier. Skills would arrive on schedule, progress would move in straight lines, and no one would be sitting on the bathroom floor wondering why a child who "just did this yesterday" suddenly cannot or will not do it today. But that is not how development works. And honestly, that version would be boring.

Real learning is messy, it is loud and uneven, and it often appears right when parents are googling, Is this normal? You may find yourself asking that very question late at night, tired, overwhelmed, and out of patience.

Why Things Often Feel Harder Before They Get Easier

Here is the reassuring truth most parents are not told. Learning often appears more difficult before it ultimately looks better. When children are on the edge of a new skill, things frequently feel more challenging, not less. Emotions run higher. Cooperation drops. Boundaries are tested. This is not regression. It is a reorganization. Research in child development and neuroscience indicates that when children are learning something new, their nervous systems work harder to integrate that skill. During this phase, stress tolerance can temporarily decrease, emotional regulation can become unstable, and behavior can become more intense.

In simple terms, the brain is under construction, and construction zones are rarely quiet.

The Quiet Signs Growth Is Happening

Progress does not always look like calm mastery. Often, it shows up in ways that worry parents the most. A child melts down after holding it together all day. A child suddenly resists a routine they recently mastered. A child needs more reassurance around a skill they were just proud of. A child tests limits more intensely than usual. A child loses access to words when tired or overwhelmed.

None of these moments means learning has stopped. They mean something new is trying to take root.

Why Pressure Slows Progress

When adults sense things slipping, the natural instinct is to tighten up. More reminders. More encouragement. More charts, timers, and pep talks. Unfortunately, pressure signals danger to the nervous system. Neuroscience consistently shows that learning and regulation happen best when children feel safe, supported, and unhurried. When adults rush or panic, even quietly, children feel it. Stress rises, skills stall, and everyone ends up frustrated.

This is why pushing harder often leads to more resistance, rather than progress.

What Helps Skills Settle

What actually helps skills settle is steadiness. Calm presence instead of constant correction. Predictable routines instead of pressure-filled expectations. Connection before coaching. Patience during the wobble phase.

Children do not need adults to be perfect; they need them to be regulated!!!

Learning is a lot like riding a bike. No one masters balance without wobbling first. Wobbling is the practice.

A Grounding Reminder for Parents

If things feel harder right now, it doesn't mean you've missed something or done something wrong...It often means your child is growing. Learning is not linear. Development does not move on a stopwatch. Progress rarely announces itself politely.

You are not behind. Your child is not broken. This phase is part of the process. YES, even the messy parts count!

If you are in a season that feels confusing or discouraging, support can make things clearer and calmer. Sometimes a steady outside lens helps parents see the growth already happening beneath the noise. Parenting was never meant to be done alone. It takes a village and an expansive toolbox. Let me support you in building yours. You are doing important work, even on days when it doesn't look pretty.